O.K. So I have neglected my blog long enough!
Like in all the CHAOS I keep up up Jounaling every morning. I think a little because of the Artist Way and a little bit of The Tao of Dana …influence on my life… I did I wrote it ALL out so there may of felt like there was nothing to write or that I had nothing to share. Perhaps, just way too much to be any category specific. IDK whatever the reason I’ve decided to throw my “Intention” into this project and “fix” my blog… while I continue to “fix” myself.
TRUTH: I’m not sure if this happens every year, but I HAVE been depressed and my Anxiety has been out of control. Sometimes just reminding myself to breathe is a thing.
I’m not sure how it happens, because I don’t try to push my really close friends away. But, I do. At least for the season …. my SAD season, started late fall until about …meow. So, work on repairing these relationships is required. Not quite repair I love my friends they didn’t go anywhere and know I am under a lot of stress and pressure. At one point we had 5 people with jobs trying to get all different places at different times.
I’m really blessed to kind of know my way out when this happens to me. Literally pick myself up and move on. Typically, this happens during injuries for me. I can prob say my back/shoulder PLUS every sickness between November and now that has been around has hit. So, this does not help!
Like, I don’t think I have really talked about this here but I got skinny over the coarse of one year. I am GOAL weight even if some weight needs to be shifted or turned into muscle.
People have no problem being mean to skinny people. And, I’m far from too skinny.
I have a hard time dealing with this….
- what if the weight comes back?
- what if I get skinnier?
- emotions emotions emotions
- I still pick up huge clothes thinking they will fit
It’s actually hard to talk about, because I know when I was overweight, I felt like I wish I had that problem.
Really I don’t give a eff what people think… I am healthier, happier, I literally lost 40lbs of emotion, so let the battle continue.
So, anyways skinny … that happened.
I am HEALING and on my way to the best shape of my life. Only two weeks away from Graduation weekend which I am STUDYING for which is great to do in my down time while I am “nursing” myself back to health. I am in a back healing series …wink wink
But, let’s face it it’s been a lot more healing than just my body. (Speaking of previous comments on this season that has kept me down!)
I am scared that the weight could pile back on X3
I am very mindful about eating now and I really hope that fear is never realized!
No one’s life is perfect, especially not mine! Everyday the struggle is real, but I will keep on keeping on!
Namaste, My Dear Friends~*